You Had a Baby. Now Your Marriage Is Dying

Nobody told you before. Or maybe they did and you didn't listen.

Having a baby doesn't bring a couple closer. It destroys it.

Not because the baby is bad. But becauseyou stop choosing your couple.

What Really Happens After the Baby

You Don't Sleep Anymore

Ecclesiastes 4:6- "Better a handful with quietness than both hands full, together with toil and grasping for the wind."

You're exhausted. Physically. Emotionally. Mentally.

And when you're exhausted, you have nothing to give your spouse.

You manage. You survive. But you don't connect anymore.

You Don't Really Talk Anymore

"Did you change the baby?" "It's your turn to get up." "We're out of diapers."

Logistics. Everything became logistics.

You no longer ask "how are you really?" You ask "who's doing what?"

Proverbs 18:21- "Death and life are in the power of the tongue."

Your conversations kill your intimacy.Because they're no longer conversations. They're to-do lists.

You Don't Touch Anymore

No physical intimacy for weeks. Months.Sometimes years.

"I'm too tired." "Baby finally fell asleep, we won't risk waking them." "My body changed, I don't feel good."

1 Corinthians 7:5- "Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again."

For a time.Not for years.

But you've normalized the absence of touch.And your marriage dies in silence.

The Child Becomes Absolute Priority

And your spouse becomes a co-parent. Not your lover.

All kisses go to baby. All attention goes to baby. All love goes to baby.

Your spouse watches from afar. Wondering where they went in your heart.

The Truth Nobody Says

Your Child Should NOT Be Your #1 Priority

Shocking? Read the Bible.

Genesis 2:24- "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh."

Before the child, there was the couple.And the couple must remain the priority.

Not because you love your children less. But becausechildren who grow up seeing their parents love each other grow up secure.

Children who grow up seeing their mother ignore their father for them?They become anxious adults who think everything revolves around them.

Best Gift for Your Children? Parents Who Love Each Other

Proverbs 17:6- "Children's children are the crown of old men, and the glory of children is their father."

You want to give the best to your children?Show them a solid marriage.

Not perfect.Solid.

A marriage where Dad kisses Mom. Where Dad and Mom spend time together. Where Dad and Mom speak to each other with respect.

That's security for a child.

Sacrificing Your Couple "For the Children" Destroys Everyone

You sacrifice your couple for 18 years "for the children".

Then the children leave for college.

And you find yourself facing a stranger. This person you've lived with for 20 years and no longer know.

You have nothing in common anymore. Nothing to say.No reason to be together.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10- "Two are better than one... For if they fall, one will lift up his companion."

But you forgot how to be two.You're just a child management team.

How to Protect Your Couple When You Become Parents

1. Establish Mandatory Date Night

Once a week. Non-negotiable.

"But we don't have a babysitter."Find one.

"But it's expensive."Your marriage is worth more than dinner.

"But baby won't sleep without me."They'll learn.

Song of Songs 2:4- "He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love."

Go out. Alone. Talk about something other than children. Remember you're in love.

2. Put Your Children to Bed at Reasonable Hour

Not 10pm. 7pm or 8pm maximum.

"But my child won't sleep."You're the parents. Not them.

Your children need sleep.And you need couple time.

Two hours every evening without children. To talk. To touch. To exist as a couple.

Psalm 127:2- "It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows; for so He gives His beloved sleep."

God gives sleep.Use it for your children AND for your couple.

3. Protect Your Bedroom

Your bedroom = couple space. Period.

No permanent family bed. No child sleeping between you every night for 5 years.

Your bed is sacred. It's the space of your marital intimacy.

Hebrews 13:4- "Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled."

Honor your marital bed.By keeping it for you two.

4. Don't Let Your Wife Become "Just Mom"

Husbands, listen carefully:

Your wife just spent 9 months creating life. Her body changed. Her hormones are crazy. She sleeps 3 hours a night. She's feeding a human with her body.

And she feels invisible.

You look at her as "baby's mom".Not as your wife.

Song of Songs 4:7- "You are all fair, my love, and there is no spot in you."

Tell her. Show her. Touch her with affection, not just when you want sex.

Help with baby. Not "to help her".To be a father.

Give her breaks. Send her to take a bath. Go out with a friend. Sleep.

She's not just a mother. She's your wife. Treat her as such.

5. Don't Let Your Husband Become "Just the Provider"

Wives, listen carefully:

Your husband works all day. He comes home exhausted. And you blame him for not understanding how hard being with baby all day is.

He feels like an ATM. Not like your partner.

Proverbs 31:12- "She does him good and not evil all the days of her life."

Thank him for what he does. Show him you appreciate him.

Welcome him when he comes home. Not with a list of complaints.With a kiss.

Yes, you're tired.He's tired too.

Let him be father his way. Not your way.Stop micromanaging.

He's not just a provider. He's your husband. Treat him as such.

6. Resume Physical Intimacy Quickly

After the medical 6 weeks, resume.

"But I don't feel sexy."Intimacy doesn't wait for you to feel sexy.

"But I'm tired."You'll be tired for 18 years. You'll wait 18 years?

1 Corinthians 7:5- "Do not deprive one another."

Physical intimacy is the cement of your couple.Without it, you're roommates.

Start small. A prolonged hug. A lasting kiss.Then rebuild gradually.

7. Talk About Something Other Than Children

Force yourselves.

During your date night, forbidden to talk about children for the first hour.

Talk about your dreams. Your fears. God. Life. Yourselves.

Ephesians 4:29- "Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification."

Edify each other.Not just as parents. As a couple.

8. Introduce Yourselves as Couple First

Before children, before family, before friends:

"This is my wife" before "this is the mother of my children".

"This is my husband" before "this is the father of my children".

Show your children you're a couple who has children. Not children who have guardians.

Matthew 19:6- "So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate."

God joined you.Children came after.

Deadly Mistakes to Avoid

Mistake 1: Sleeping Separately "For the Baby"

One in baby's room, one in your bed.

For months. Years.You're destroying your couple.

Baby can sleep in their room. With baby monitor.You must sleep together.

Mistake 2: Systematically Canceling Couple Plans for Children

"We were supposed to go out tonight but baby has fever."

Sometimes it's legitimate. But if it's ALWAYS, you're lying.

Baby is fine with babysitter and Tylenol.You're choosing to stay.

Because it's easier. Less effort.But your couple dies from lack of effort.

Mistake 3: Letting Child Decide Everything

"We can't go to restaurant, they don't like it."

Your 3-year-old doesn't decide. You decide.

You're the parents. You lead.Not the reverse.

Proverbs 22:6- "Train up a child in the way he should go."

You train.You're not trained by the child.

Mistake 4: Criticizing Your Spouse Before Children

"Dad doesn't know how to change a diaper." "Mom worries too much."

You just destroyed your children's respect for your spouse.

Ephesians 5:33- "Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."

Show respect. Before your children. Always.

Mistake 5: Abandoning All Personal Time

You no longer exist as individual. Just as parent.

You don't exercise anymore. You don't see friends anymore. You have no hobbies.

You become bitter. Exhausted. Empty.

Mark 6:31- "Come aside by yourselves to a deserted place, and rest a while."

Jesus commands rest.Obey.

You must take care of yourself to take care of your family.It's not selfish. It's wise.

The Final Truth

Having children is the greatest blessing and greatest test of your marriage.

Either you come out stronger, united, connected.

Or you come out strangers, exhausted, divorced.

The difference?You choose your couple. Intentionally. Daily.

Psalm 127:3- "Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb is a reward."

Your children are heritage.But your marriage is the foundation.

If foundation collapses,heritage suffers.

Happiest children aren't those who get all attention.They're those who see their parents love each other.

So choose your spouse. Before your children.

Not because you love your children less.But because a solid marriage is the best gift you can give them.

Go out together. Talk together. Touch each other. Laugh together. Pray together.

And show your children what real marriage is.

Not perfect. Not easy. But intentional. Solid. Loving.

That's what lasts 50 years. Not years when you sacrificed your couple "for the children".

Foundational Bible Verses