What Is Love? Certainly Not What You Think.

"I love you."

You say these words. Your spouse says them.But what does it really mean?

For you, love is a feeling. Butterflies. Chills.That sensation overwhelming you when you see the other.

The problem? That's not love. That's attraction.

And when attraction weakens — because it always weakens — you think love is dead.

It's not dead. It never existed.

Because what you call love isn't love.It's just a passing emotion you confused with something deeper.

Here's what love really is.Prepare yourself. It'll destroy your romantic illusions.

What Love Is NOT

Love Isn't a Feeling

1 Corinthians 13:4-8- "Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails."

Read carefully.Not a single word about feelings.

Patient. Kind. Doesn't seek its own. Endures all.These are actions. Choices. Not emotions.

You feel in love?Congratulations. That's not love. That's chemistry.

Love manifests when you DON'T feel in loveand you choose to love anyway.

Love Isn't Conditional

"I love you if you make me happy."

"I love you as long as you meet my needs."

"I love you when you're nice to me."

That's not love. That's a business contract.

John 13:34- "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another."

As Christ loved you.When you were sinners. Before you deserved it.

True love doesn't say "if you change, I'll love you".It says "I love you, period".

Love Isn't Selfish

"I love you because you make me feel good."

"I love you because you fill my needs."

Philippians 2:3-4- "Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others."

Love looks out for other's interest.Not its own.

If your "love" always asks "what do I get?"that's not love.

Love Isn't an Excuse to Stay in Abuse

"But the Bible says love endures all."

Yes. But enduring all doesn't mean accepting abuse.

Love establishes healthy boundaries.Love says "I love you enough not to let you continue destroying me".

Proverbs 22:3- "A prudent man foresees evil and hides himself."

Love isn't stupid.Love is wise.

What Love Really IS

Love Is a Daily Choice

Deuteronomy 30:19- "I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life."

Each morning, you wake up and choose."Today, I choose to love this person."

Not because you feel in love. Not because they deserve it that day.

Because you decided once and for all that's your choice.

Love Is Action, Not Declaration

"I love you" said ten times a day means nothingif your actions say otherwise.

1 John 3:18- "My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth."

You love them?Show it.

Serve coffee. Listen actively. Forgive quickly. Choose patience when you want to explode.

That's love. Not sweet words.

Love Is Sacrifice

John 15:13- "Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends."

Christ gave His life.Not His feelings. His life.

You, what do you give?

Your time? Your comfort? Your ego?Your right to be right?

Love says "I die to myself so you can live".How many times a day do you die to yourself?

Love Is Irrevocable Commitment

Matthew 19:6- "So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate."

"I love you" according to world = "I love you as long as I feel in love."

"I love you" according to God = "I love you till death do us part. Period."

This commitment is foundation.Without it, you build on sand.

Love Seeks Other's Good

Not their immediate pleasure.Their real good.

Sometimes love says "no" to your spouse.Because what they ask will harm them long-term.

Sometimes love confronts.Because love without truth isn't love, it's compliance.

Ephesians 4:15- "But, speaking the truth in love, may grow up."

Truth in love.Both. Always.

What Love Looks Like Concretely

In Small Daily Things

You do dishes without being asked.That's love.

You listen to same story fifth time without interrupting.That's love.

You choose not to criticize when you see a flaw.That's love.

Zechariah 4:10- "For who has despised the day of small things?"

Small things matter.Because love lives in details.

In Difficult Moments

Your spouse is sick. You clean vomit.That's love.

Your spouse loses job. You stay and encourage.That's love.

Your spouse goes through depression. You hold on in tunnel.That's love.

Ruth 1:16- "Wherever you go, I will go; and wherever you lodge, I will lodge."

Not "wherever you go I'll go if it suits me".Wherever you go I'll go. Period.

In Repeated Forgiveness

They hurt you. You forgive.They hurt you again. You forgive again.

Not because it's easy.Because it's love.

Matthew 18:21-22- Peter said: "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?" Jesus said: "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven."

490 times.And Jesus wasn't speaking literally. He spoke infinitely.

In Protecting the Other

Someone criticizes your spouse.You defend them. Even if they're right.

Someone tempts your spouse.You create protective barriers.

Someone wants to use them.You say no for them.

1 Corinthians 13:7- "Bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

Love protects.Always.

Why You Confuse Everything

Because World Lied to You

Disney told you love is butterflies and kiss that awakens.

Hollywood told you love is passion burning eternally.

Pop songs told you love is not being able to live without each other.

All that is romantic lies.

Romans 12:2- "And do not be conformed to this world."

This world lies about love.Stop believing it.

Because Your Parents Didn't Show You

You saw your parents divorce. Or stay together ignoring each other politely.

You never saw true love modeled.

So you repeat their mistakes.Thinking it's normal.

Because You're Selfish

And we all are.

Jeremiah 17:9- "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked."

Your natural heart wants to receive, not give. Wants to be served, not serve.

That's why true love is supernatural. It comes from God, not from you.

How to Love Truly

1. Understand You Can't Love Perfectly

1 John 4:19- "We love Him because He first loved us."

You can only love because God loved you first.Without Him, you're incapable of true love.

Connect to source.Pray "Lord, fill me with Your love for this person".

2. Stop Waiting for Other to Change

"I'll love them better when they're less selfish."

No. Love now. As they are.

Romans 5:8- "But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

While you were sinner.Not after your transformation.

3. Choose Action Over Emotion

You don't feel in love?Act with love anyway.

Serve coffee. Speak gently. Forgive quickly.

James 2:17- "Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead."

Faith without works = dead.Love without actions = dead.

4. Commit Once and For All

"I choose this person. Forever. In good and bad. Period."

This decision changes everything.

Because now you no longer ask "should I stay?"You ask "how can I love better?"

5. Seek Their Good, Not Their Pleasure

Sometimes loving means saying difficult truths.Because love wants their growth.

Sometimes loving means saying no.Because love protects from what destroys.

Proverbs 27:6- "Faithful are the wounds of a friend."

Love hurts sometimes.To heal.

The Truth That Transforms Everything

You don't know what love is because you don't know God.

1 John 4:8- "He who does not love does not know God, for God is love."

God IS love.Not God has love. God IS love.

You want to learn to love?Learn to know God.

You want to love your spouse?Let God love you first.

Because you can't give what you haven't received.And true love comes only from Him.

The Final Message

"I love you" means nothing if you don't know what love is.

Love isn't a feeling.It's a daily choice of sacrifice.

Love isn't conditional.It's an irrevocable commitment.

Love isn't selfish.It's self-giving for other's good.

Ephesians 5:25- "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her."

As Christ loved.Not as Disney says to love. As CHRIST loved.

He gave Himself.He died. For people who didn't deserve it.

That's love.

When you stop pursuing feeling and start practicing sacrifice,you'll discover something extraordinary.

True love — that chooses, serves, sacrifices —produces feelings deeper than initial passion.

Not butterflies.Something more solid. More real. More lasting.

Deep joy knowing you're building something lasting.Not because it's easy. But because it's true.

Song of Songs 8:6-7- "For love is as strong as death... Many waters cannot quench love, nor can the floods drown it."

Love strong as death.Not strong as feeling. Strong as death.

Unshakeable. Irrevocable.Eternal.

That's love. And that's what your marriage deserves.

Stop asking "do I feel in love?"

Start asking "do I truly love?"

And the answer is in your actions. Not in your emotions.

Foundational Bible Verses

1 Corinthians 13:4-8- "Love suffers long and is kind... Love never fails."