Thomas and Martine: When the Holidays Reveal You're No Longer a Couple

The Conversation That Says Everything

November 15. Two weeks before the holidays.

Thomas comes home from work. Martine prepares dinner. Ordinary conversation. Until Thomas says:

"By the way, I'm going to the cabin with the guys from the 23rd to 27th. It's our annual tradition."

Martine turns around, wooden spoon in hand.

"Seriously? I planned for us to go to my parents' for Christmas. I already told them we're coming."

"You told them without asking me?"

"You're going to the cabin without asking me?"

Silence. The kind of silence that fills the kitchen with cold tension.

"We can do both," Thomas says without conviction.

"How? You leave the 23rd, Christmas is the 25th."

"Then come with me to the cabin."

"To do what? Watch you get drunk and talk about sports for four days?"

"Then go to your parents'. I'll join you after."

Martine turns back to the stove. Thomas pulls out his phone.

The conversation is over. But the problem has just begun.

The Real Problem: You No Longer Plan Together

Each Makes Their Own Plans

Amos 3:3- "Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?"

Thomas didn't think about Martine when he accepted going to the cabin. Martine didn't think about Thomas when she said yes to her parents.

Each lives their life. They consult after, not before.

It's not "we decided." It's "I decided, and now I'm informing you."

You're no longer a couple deciding together. You're two individuals managing separate calendars.

The Holidays Reveal Your True Priorities

The holidays are a revealer. Like a lab test showing what was hidden.

Matthew 6:21- "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

Where is Thomas's heart? With his friends at the cabin. Where is Martine's heart? With her family of origin.

And their heart for each other? Nowhere in the equation.

When holidays arrive and each pulls in their direction, that's not the problem.That's the symptom.The symptom that you've stopped functioning as a couple.

What's Really Happening in This Story

Thomas Is Seeking to Escape

Four days at the cabin. Away from home. Away from responsibilities. Away from Martine.

He'd never say it like that. But that's what his actions scream.

"It's our annual tradition." Translation:"I need a break from my marriage."

It's not the cabin that's the problem. It's the fact he prefers being anywhere but with his wife during the year's most important holidays.

Proverbs 18:1- "A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire; he rages against all wise judgment."

Thomas isolates himself. From his marriage. From his responsibility. From his wife.

Martine Is Escaping Too

"I'm going to my parents'." She doesn't say "let's go to my parents'." She says"I'm going."

Because deep down, she also prefers being elsewhere. With her family of origin. Where she feels loved. Where she feels important. Where she doesn't have to manage the cold distance between her and Thomas.

Genesis 2:24- "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh."

Martine never really left. When her marriage becomes difficult,she returns to where it was comfortable.

Not just physically. Emotionally. Her family of origin is still her first loyalty.

They Don't Even Fight to Be Together

That's the saddest part.They accept separation without fighting.

No "how can we spend the holidays together?" No "you're my priority, we'll find a solution." Just "okay, then we'll each do our thing."

They've accepted that their marriage comes second. After friends. After family. After individual comfort.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10- "Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up!"

Thomas and Martine are falling.And neither lifts the other.

The Three Weeks That Follow

Week 1: Cold Silence

They don't talk about the holidays again. Thomas confirms the cabin. Martine confirms her parents'.

They coexist. They don't communicate.

At dinner, they talk about weather. Work. Bills.Never about the elephant in the room: we're spending Christmas apart and neither of us seems to care.

Martine wonders if Thomas will at least buy a gift this year. Thomas wonders if Martine will criticize his absence at family gatherings again.

Neither says out loud what they're thinking.

Week 2: Justifications

Thomas starts justifying. To colleagues: "My wife's going to her parents'. I'm taking some time with the guys."

Martine does the same. To her sister on the phone: "Thomas prefers his cabin. I'm not going to beg him to spend Christmas together."

They create narratives to make the unacceptable acceptable.

"We're independent." "We trust each other." "We're not one of those clingy couples."

Polite lies to hide the truth: our marriage is dying and we're watching without doing anything.

Week 3: Departure

December 23. Thomas loads the trunk. Martine already left the day before.

They texted: "Safe travels." "You too."

No goodbye kiss. No "I'll miss you." Just the cold logistics of two roommates going on separate vacations.

Thomas drives to the cabin. The radio plays Christmas songs about family and love.He changes the station.

Martine arrives at her parents'. Her mother asks: "Where's Thomas?" Martine answers: "He had plans." Her mother says nothing.But her look says everything.

What Happens at the Cabin and at the Parents'

Thomas at the Cabin: False Freedom

The first three days are fun. Alcohol. Laughter. Games. No responsibilities.

But on the evening of the 25th, something changes.

The guys call their wives. Their children.Thomas looks at his phone. No call from Martine.

He could call her. He doesn't.Pride or fear, he doesn't know.

Around 11pm, alone on the balcony, beer in hand, he wonders: "What am I doing here?"

Proverbs 21:9- "Better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, than in a house shared with a contentious woman."

He repeats this verse. To justify himself.But he knows deep down that's not it. Martine isn't contentious. She's distant. And so is he.

Martine at Her Parents': The Refuge That No Longer Is

The first two days are comforting. Her mother cooks her favorite dishes. Her father asks about work. Her nieces play noisily.

But on the evening of the 25th, she feels alone in the crowd.

She watches the couples around the table. Her brother and his wife holding hands. Her sister and her husband gently teasing each other.

She thinks about Thomas at the cabin. And feels empty.

She could call him. She doesn't.Pride or fear, she doesn't know.

Psalm 127:1- "Unless the LORD builds the house, they labor in vain who build it."

Her mother built this family home with love. Buthers, with Thomas, is crumbling. And she's doing nothing to rebuild it.

The Return: December 27

Thomas returns on the evening of the 27th. Martine returned that morning.

They cross paths in the living room.

"Was it good?" Martine asks.

"Yeah. And you?"

"Good."

Silence.

They don't ask for details. They don't share stories.They politely inform like acquaintances crossing in an elevator.

Thomas goes to his office. Martine goes upstairs to bed.

The holidays are over. But nothing has changed. Because nothing could change when they chose to spend them apart.

What This Story Reveals

You Can't Build a Marriage Living Separate Lives

1 Corinthians 7:3-4- "Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does."

You no longer belong to yourselves.You belong to each other.

Your plans are no longer "my plans." They're "our plans." Your holidays are no longer "my holidays." They're "our holidays."

When you live like two singles under the same roof, you destroy what God has united.

Separate Holidays Are a Symptom, Not the Problem

Thomas and Martine didn't drift apart because of holidays.They were already apart. The holidays just revealed it.

The real problem? They stopped choosing their couple. They stopped fighting for their unity. They accepted distance as normal.

Mark 10:9- "Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate."

God joined them.But they separate themselves. Choice after choice. Plan after plan. Holiday after holiday.

Without Intervention, They'll Divorce Within Three Years

This isn't dramatic prediction.It's predictable trajectory.

Couples who spend important moments apart end up apart. Because you can't maintain intimacy without proximity. You can't build memories without being together.

In three years, one will say: "We just drifted apart." And both will think it happened mysteriously. But it started here. With these separate holidays they accepted without fighting.

What They Should Do (And What You Should Do)

1. Recognize the Problem Now

Not after the holidays. Now.

"We have a problem. We're spending the year's most important moments apart and we think it's normal. It's not normal. Our marriage is in danger."

James 5:16- "Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed."

Confess. "I chose my friends before you." "I chose my family of origin before us." "I was wrong. Sorry."

2. Cancel Separate Plans

"But I already promised."Then unpromise.

"But my friends will be disappointed."Too bad. Your marriage is more important than your friends.

"But my parents are expecting."Tell them you're coming together or not at all.

Ephesians 5:31- "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh."

Leave. Be joined. Become one.

3. Create a Plan Together

"What do you really want for these holidays?"

Not "what's easier." Not "what bothers the fewest people.""What's good for US?"

Maybe it's two days at the cabin together then three days at parents' together. Maybe it's Christmas at your place, just you two. Maybe it's inviting everyone to your place.

What matters: you decide together. And you live it together.

4. Use the Holidays to Rebuild

Holidays can be the opportunity to rebuild what collapsed.

Create new memories. Together. Not apart.

Cook Christmas Eve together. Decorate the tree together. Open gifts together. Pray together.

Psalm 133:1- "Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!"

Together. This word should define your holidays. Your marriage. Your life.

5. Seek Help If Necessary

If you read this story and recognize your couple,you need help.

Proverbs 11:14- "Where there is no counsel, the people fall; but in the multitude of counselors there is safety."

Couples counseling. Pastor. Therapy.Now. Not after the holidays. Now.

The Final Message

Thomas and Martine are on the edge of the precipice.They don't know it yet. But they are.

Not because of one big crisis. Because of a thousand small choices where they chose something other than their couple.

And these separate holidays? They're the symptom revealing the disease.

If you're Thomas or Martine, wake up now.

Your marriage won't survive a life of separate plans, separate holidays, separate hearts.

Matthew 12:25- "Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation, and every city or house divided against itself will not stand."

Your house is divided. It will not stand.

But it's not too late.Not yet.

Cancel your separate plans. Sit together. Really talk. Choose your couple. Spend these holidays together.

And use this moment as the beginning of your reconstruction. Not the continuation of your destruction.

The holidays reveal your priorities. What do yours reveal?

Foundational Bible Verses