Long-Distance Relationships: What the Bible Really Says (and Doesn't Say)

"Does God approve of long-distance relationships?"

Short answer:The Bible doesn't mention long-distance relationships.Zero verses on the subject. Zero commandment "You shall not date someone who lives 500 km away."

So if you're looking for a verse that says "it's permitted" or "it's forbidden," you won't find it.

But the Bible gives principles to navigate this question with wisdom. And the real question isn't "is it permitted?" but "is it wise for you?"

What the Bible doesn't say

The Bible doesn't condemn long-distance relationships. It doesn't forbid them. It doesn't say they're automatically a bad idea.

Physical distance itself isn't a sin. Many biblical couples went through separations: Abraham and Sarah, Joseph and his future wives, couples whose husbands were soldiers or merchants.

So if someone tells you "long-distance relationships aren't biblical," they're making it up. It's not in Scripture.

What the Bible says about relationships

Even if it doesn't specifically mention distance, the Bible gives clear principles about relationships that apply here:

1. The goal of dating is marriage

1 Corinthians 7:9- "But if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion."

Paul doesn't talk about "dating indefinitely." He talks about marriage. The Christian couple dating should have marriage as a clear goal.

Crucial question for your long-distance relationship:Is this distance bringing you closer to marriage or further from it? If you've been long-distance for three years without a concrete plan to marry and live together, you're wasting your time.

2. Sexual purity is non-negotiable

1 Thessalonians 4:3-5- "For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God."

Physical distance can protect from sexual temptation... or intensify it dangerously. When you see each other rarely, the temptation to "make the most" of those moments together is enormous.

Crucial question:Are your reunions constant struggles against sexual temptation? If every visit ends in compromises or regrets, distance isn't protecting you, it's worsening the problem.

3. Being unequally yoked is forbidden

2 Corinthians 6:14- "Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers."

If you're Christian and your long-distance partner isn't, distance isn't your biggest problem. Being unequally yoked is.

Crucial question:Are you both committed to Christ? If not, stop now. Distance won't change this fundamental problem.

The specific dangers of long-distance relationships

1. Unrealistic idealization

When you don't live daily life together, you create a fantasized version of the other. You see the best during carefully planned visits. You don't see the flaws, annoying habits, real difficulties of life together.

Proverbs 14:12- "There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death."

What seems perfect at distance can be disastrous up close. You're building on an illusion, not reality.

2. Emotional intimacy without real commitment

Long-distance relationships can create false intimacy. You talk for hours on the phone, you share your deep thoughts, you feel very connected. But you're not doing anything concrete together. You're not managing real life difficulties side by side.

James 2:17- "Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead."

A relationship that only exists in conversations and occasional visits lacks substance. The concrete works of daily love are absent.

3. Life on hold

How long will you put your life on pause for this relationship? You refuse professional opportunities, local friendships, a stable church, all while waiting for distance to resolve.

Ephesians 5:15-16- "See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil."

Redeeming time means using it wisely. Living on hold for years isn't wise.

4. Lack of shared community

Hebrews 10:25- "Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some."

You don't share the same church. You don't know the same brothers and sisters. You have no Christian community that knows you both and can counsel you. This spiritual isolation is dangerous.

5. Increased temptation during reunions

Paradoxically, distance can make purity more difficult, not easier. When you see each other rarely, emotional and physical intensity explodes. "We see each other so rarely" becomes a justification for pushing boundaries.

1 Corinthians 10:12- "Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall."

Don't presume distance automatically protects you. It can make you vulnerable differently.

When a long-distance relationship can be wise

Not all long-distance relationships are bad. Here are conditions that can make them wise:

1. Clear end date

You have a concrete plan for distance to end. "He finishes studies in 18 months then moves here." "I finish my contract in a year then we marry." Not "we'll see."

Proverbs 21:5- "The plans of the diligent lead surely to plenty, but those of everyone who is hasty, surely to poverty."

A clear plan shows you're serious and realistic.

2. Commitment toward marriage

You're not just "dating." You're engaged or clearly heading toward engagement with a timeline. The relationship has a defined goal: marriage.

Proverbs 29:18- "Where there is no revelation, the people cast off restraint."

Without clear vision of marriage, the relationship drifts without direction.

3. Support from your Christian community

Your church leaders and mature Christian friends know your situation and support it. They're not warning you. They see it's wise and temporary.

Proverbs 11:14- "Where there is no counsel, the people fall; but in the multitude of counselors there is safety."

If all your spiritual counselors tell you "bad idea," listen to them.

4. Purity maintained

You keep clear physical boundaries. Your reunions don't end in spiritual regrets. You actively protect your purity despite increased temptation.

1 Corinthians 6:18- "Flee sexual immorality."

Flee means establishing strict safeguards, not "we'll see in the moment."

5. Continued spiritual growth

You're both growing in your faith despite distance. You're involved in your respective local churches. You're not neglecting your spiritual life for this relationship.

Matthew 6:33- "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness."

God remains first. Always.

Questions to ask yourself honestly

Before continuing (or starting) a long-distance relationship, ask yourself these questions:

1. Why is this relationship long-distance?

Legitimate temporary circumstances (studies, limited work contract)? Or chronic indecision about commitment?

2. How long will this distance last?

If you answer "we don't know," that's a massive red flag.

3. Who will move and when?

If no one is ready to sacrifice their geographical situation, you're not ready for marriage.

4. How do you maintain purity?

If you don't have a clear plan with specific safeguards, you'll fail.

5. Do you really know this person?

Beyond phone conversations and planned weekends? Do you know their real flaws, daily habits, how they handle stress and conflicts?

6. What is this relationship costing you?

In time, money, professional opportunities, local relationships, mental health, spiritual life? Is the cost worth it?

7. What do your spiritual counselors say?

Not your friends who tell you what you want to hear. Your church leaders, spiritual mentors, parents if possible.

When you need to stop

Some long-distance relationships simply need to end. Here's when:

If it's lasted more than 2 years without marriage plan

You're not in a relationship. You're stagnating. One or both lack real commitment.

If you constantly compromise your purity

Every visit ends in spiritual regrets? Stop. The relationship distances you from God, doesn't bring you closer.

If your spiritual life suffers

You neglect church, prayer, Bible, Christian community because of this relationship? It's an idol replacing God.

If all your spiritual counselors oppose it

If mature people who love you and know God unanimously tell you "bad idea," listen to them. You're probably blinded by your feelings.

If one of you refuses to make sacrifices

Marriage requires sacrifices. If no one is ready to move, change jobs, adapt their plans, you're not ready to marry.

The choice of wisdom

The real question is never "does God permit long-distance relationships?"

The real question is: "Is it wise in my specific situation?"

1 Corinthians 10:23- "All things are lawful for me, but not all things are helpful; all things are lawful for me, but not all things edify."

Long-distance relationships are permitted. But are they helpful for you? Do they edify your faith and walk with God? Do they bring you closer to marriage in a healthy way?

Ephesians 5:15-17- "See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is."

Conduct yourself with wisdom. Not like fools who blindly follow their feelings. Seek God's will in your specific situation.

Some practical cases

Case 1: Christian student and Christian student at two different universities. They've been dating 6 months, talking about getting engaged after finishing studies in 2 years.

Evaluation:Potentially wise if they maintain purity, stay involved in their respective churches, and keep their plan. But 2 years is long. They must reevaluate regularly.

Case 2: Couple dating for 4 years long-distance. No concrete marriage plan. "We'll see when we can afford it."

Evaluation:Not wise. Lacks clear commitment. They're wasting their time and best years in a stagnating relationship.

Case 3: Engaged couple living in two different cities for 9 months because of temporary work contract. Marriage planned at end of contract.

Evaluation:Wise. Clear end date. Clear commitment. Temporary and justified.

Case 4: Long-distance couple sleeping together at every reunion. "We love each other, we'll marry anyway."

Evaluation:Stop now. You're clearly disobeying God. If you can't honor God now, how will you honor your marriage later?

The final message

Long-distance relationships are neither automatically good nor automatically bad. They're a question of situational wisdom.

Some are necessary temporary seasons before a solid marriage. Others are romantic illusions wasting precious years.

Your responsibility is to discern which describes your situation.

Pray. Seek counsel. Be honest about costs and benefits. Evaluate whether it brings you closer or further from God. Have a clear plan or end it.

And remember:God cares more about your holiness than your romantic happiness.

If a long-distance relationship distances you from Him, no matter how much you "love" this person, they're not for you.

But if it brings you closer to God, brings you closer to marriage in a healthy way, and has a clear end date, it can be a difficult but wise season in your journey.

Proverbs 3:5-6- "Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths."

Entrust your relationship to God. Seek His wisdom, not just your feelings. And He will direct your steps.

Foundational Bible verses